Trust Broken

Our car was stolen last week. From our driveway, while it was warming up and deicing.  I had a feeling it might happen but needed to have a warm car for junior as we were already running late.  So my back was turned and inside the walls of our house.  When I opened the door after less than 2 minutes it was gone.  And it still is not back.

The first night as I tried to sleep I had dreams and visions. Dreams of what if…

What if I saw the car driving away and jumped inside and yanked the wheel to prevent the guy in a black hoodie from going far.

First we slammed into the neighbor’s Corvette across the street.

The second time I dreamt the scenario we hit the fence next to our driveway and then another neighbor Maria as she brought me cookies. I am sure the cookies had more to do with me wanting to cope eat than anything else.

After waking up and trying to sleep again, I pictured running at super speed down the road and seeing it stuck in traffic.  I saw myself opening the door and telling the driver to walk away or ELSE.

In all these half dreams I was a hero…instead of the guy that left a running car in his driveway.

As I write this I am riding the bus imagining what I would do if I see it pass by.

Honestly, I would take note and try to watch it but lose it because I am on the bus.  But in my daydreams I see me jumping in the back seat since I still have a key, calling the cops and being arrested because I carjacked the wrong car.

After those failed attempts at sleep, the beautiful Hannah and junior came home from a meeting.  She came to bed and we talked about how we are unharmed, and nothing major was inside the car but still worried about why it happened…then we prayed.  After the tears and cussing and crying and screaming at God I did while she was away, we just prayed.  As I prayed I said “Lord you tell us to love our enemies so I ask that you would show me how to do that.”  It didn’t feel like my own thought but we prayed.

I realized that whoever took the car is in the midst of an addiction. Whether to money or drugs or something that takes.  Because addictions take so you take to because you are addicted. They stole a debit card too and used it first at an ATM unsuccessfully and second at Safeway. To spend a lot on groceries potentially. Or maybe it was gift cards and a lot of things to make meth. But I like to think the former.

I’m an addict too. That story will come next week or so.  So today, I realized I am lucky to not have to pursue that life. I’ve made bad choices and told lies to cover them up in the past and recently. I am scared of jail and ever getting a job again.  That is why in the midst of my worst addictive behaviors I haven’t committed similar crimes.

But some people aren’t or can’t be scared. They made a choice a long time ago they are still being judged for. They sold drugs at 16 and now at 46 still have a felony. Or they were raised in a cycle that is harder to break than keeping going. So they steal and lie and cheat but honestly I am sure they would rather not have to.

At least that is the hope I have…and need to have to keep any belief that people are good.

 

PS.  If you are in Portland, we are still looking for it hopefully abandoned on a side street.  2010 charcoal grey Toyota Matrix.  Slight dent in front drivers side.  car seat base in back seat.   Green bin of paperwork in trunk.  Please call PDX non emergency with details…503-823-3333

 

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Filed under Freewrite, Heathen Healers, Marriage, The Jesus Way

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