The Season of Death

Friends…I am in the season of death.

I have been using this phrase for a couple weeks now.  For some I think it is equated with the changing leaves and their death.  The sun is dying and in Portland everything kind of gets a morbid grey feel.  I attempt to figure out when my Seasonal Affected Disorder (SAD) will hit and pull out the waterproof clothing and thinker boots.  Then before I know it I am remembering death more than desired.

There is a lot of death to be remembered in this season and while I love the changing weather and being able to wear jeans, hoodies and warm hats, I am reminded of the loss of family members and friends.

Unfortunately joining lives with the beautiful Hannah it has increased.  Both of our father’s birthdays are in this season and both of them died in December.  Plus grandfathers, grandmothers, and friends.

Also unfortunately this year has been punctuated my eldest aunt’s death on Thanksgiving day.  A death she chose which is a new one for me.  She has been in failing health for a few years and homebound for even more years.  It saddens me that given the choice, she chose to die.  But I also respect her decision…a lot.

She died on her terms.  She chose in her right mind that years more alone, on medications was not what she wanted.   Others don’t get to chose.  Something I know too well … and I have been forced to come to terms with that.

As I get older, I am realizing this season will get worse not better.  As I come to terms with one death there will be another.  And when this season is over there will be another that I have one or two deaths or another weekend of three deaths to deal with.

And so I must come to terms with this season of death…and death itself.

This piece is intentionally choppy and multi- topic-ed.  It is meant to show how my brain works around death.   

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Filed under Death, Grieving, Obese Obsessions, Transparency

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