In the past two plus months, I have become more distant than planned. It has to do with the amazing event I wrote about here and the distance people gave because they knew I was adjusting to a new life and schedule and system of living and fourth cliché phrase.
They ask how marriage is. I reply good or fine or lovely, and they don’t follow up.
Most of the time the space and given silence is needed. Because while I had never lived alone (except for that one month in a sketchy hotel in Fairbanks Alaska, and that other time for two months…in a hotel…in Vietnam),
I had never lived with someone that I couldn’t leave and just let time settle debates. The private space I craved and enjoyed until August 2nd, 2012 no longer exists. And for that 95% of the time I am glad. But my 33 years of wiring and rewiring always allowed for space to process what just happened. It allowed me to leave clothes on the floor, and hair in the sink (not really) and books in ever corner of every room. I had my space.
Since August 3rd, I have had a beautiful woman who critiques my aesthetical placement of said clothes and books. Holds me to the promises of dishwashing and trash removing and sock picking up. And again, I like that about her. I no longer live in a place that could be mistaken for a dorm room. But when two people with 60+ years of combined age decide to marry and move to an apartment smaller than either has ever lived alone before…well decisions are made, and lost and talked about a lot.
I am so glad I have a woman that wants to talk these things through because that means communication is precious. I have a wife that knows and loves charts and schedules. That hears about how much I ridiculously spent on her and doesn’t mind letting her future paychecks pay that off.
I have a woman that comes home from literally being pushed and prodded by larger, mentally unstable, post high school adults and makes me dinner without complaining or showing that I was actually supposed to make dinner that night. And decided to just help instead of take lead, as the Bible says I should, as I am not rewired to do.
People come up to me and ask how marriage is. And I want to say… “I got a smoking good deal on a wife who loves, forgives, serves, and protects while I just listen and support.”
But I say…”It’s good.” Because I don’t want people to know I am still adjusting to this new space of my life.