Maybe it is the fact I live in a basement…willingly as my boss has often reminded me. Or maybe it is that I like phone based arcade games, horrible nutritiousless dinners, the same movies as a 11 year old and MY privacy. But lately I don’t feel much like an adult.
It might be that even though I have had the same job for over three years…<moment of silence>…I still don’t wake up before 10 am when I have the chance. And rarely deal with anything difficult before then. Or that I keep signing up to do grown up things like leading or mentoring or helping people move but then freak out when I realize I am not capable of what I signed up for. Or the fact I still end sentences with prepositions and do not know how to use bust and burst apparently (see below).
There was more than one time I did adult things. Like when I spent months saving for a house and actually looked for one. But that lasted only a few months before I started having nightmares of being stuck in a horrible upside-down, under-water, bubble-busted piece of property that the local Russians (we were invaded) wouldn’t pay me more than 1% of its worth. Kind of like my “penny” stocks of a Chinese telecommunications firm that are worth 98% less than what I paid and even owning 1,700 shares I can’t afford to sell them as the commission would be more than their value.
I was imagining that happening when I signed my mortgage paperwork. I would walk out of the office and a Greyhound bus would happen to be bound for Eau Claire Wisconsin at a high rate of speed and a baby would be crying on the double yellow line while tons of people would be standing on the sidewalk gawking when I would burst through them to save the child who I toss to a bystander right before the left rear tire of the bus rolls over me breaking my legs. This prevents me from walking and I end up losing all work and volunteer gigs because they claim I am not trying to heal and cry too much. A “helpful doctor” starts giving shock treatments which leads me to think I can fly and causes me to become paralyzed when I jump off a Dutch Brothers Coffee hut and land on my tail bone. So not only would I be paralyzed but I would have a massive mortgage I couldn’t afford.
This is why I don’t feel like an adult, because I come up with false stories like that and look at the bad in life, instead of making it a happy ending where a beautiful Eau Claire girl gets off the Greyhound bus to help after my legs are crushed, I learn to walk through her encouragement and not only do I keep my job and volunteer gigs but we fall in love only to find out she is independently wealthy and paid off my house while I was talking a nap during a Cubs game.
Then again, adults do use run-on sentences.